It's freezing
by Kayaman
Summary: A collection of short Suzalulu drabbles, really short ones.
1. You slip inside

A/N: A really short oneshot I wrote during math class today, while listening to Mutiny Below ( And a tiny bit of Scream Scream Scream ) by Ludo, so I'd recommend listning to that while reading XD. I've got a couple more of this sort of short drabbles in my sleeve (All based on Ludo songs XD) That I'll probably upload as future chapters so... Be prepared? I don't really like uploading this kind of short things but I'm quite happy with this even though I ripped the last line from the song. I just love it to much, it's not like it's a songfic or anything?

Self-edited so corrections are welcome. So are reviews 'cause they make me so incredibly happy.

* * *

My heart is screaming, screaming real loud and even though I know how to stop it I can't. He's banging on the door but as soon as I even think about opening it my brain starts telling everything that could go wrong and in how many ways I could get hurt. That he'll leave again soon without a word. That history has the annoying habit of repeating itself.

But he's waiting out there and my heart is only screaming louder and louder and the aching's getting worse. He'll probably give up soon enough if I stay silent and pretend I'm not home. He can't wait out there forever, it's below the freezing point and he's already been out there for more than twenty minutes trying to reach me.

I'm not actually that mad with him if I know my own feelings good enough it's just that I have no idea what i should do if I let him in. He left just like that, without a trace or a sound. One day he was just gone and I didn't hear a word from him until yesterday when he called. I was simply way to mad to actually listen to him at that moment but right now that's the only thing I want to do.

He could probably find someone better for him, our personalities don't match at all and he could do miles better than me but that doesn't change the fact that I want him for myself.

Without realising it I've gotten goosebumps from head to toe, the cold must have been creeping through the isolation even though the heaters on it's highest. Crying is nearly painful when it's cold to this degree. Note to self: avoid crying in the winter.

His banging stopped after a while and I guess it made the screams quiet down even if it didn't feel less painful just because of that. Maybe I could just open the door quickly, just to see if he really left. I mean, if he was still there I'd close the door immidatly, of course. Or I'd tell him to go home. I would definitely not let him in. Never.

He wasn't there. Or so I thought until something yanked the door away, he must've been hiding behind it or I was turning blind. In which case, the door was wide open, with snow blowing in my face and Suzaku right infront of me.

The screaming of my heart had stopped the moment I looked into his eyes and I know this sounds really really silly and cheesy but I couldn't hold on to that small amount of resolution I had left when he hugged me closely.

" I'm sorry I left. "

I've never regretted locking my door more then this, looking into his big sad green eyes.

" But you're here now, can you come in? " I pecked his cheek, smiling softly with my shivering hand on his cheek from the cold, standing barefoot on the porch. " I'm freezing. "


	2. I hate him

I thought the last one was short but this is litteraly nothing. Not even five hundred words. Also written during math-class, this time written while listning to the song "love me dead" by ludo. Self-edited so please correct my mistakes.

* * *

I hate him, I hate him so much I can barely take it.  
I hate his smug smirk everytime he wins against me. I hate how he wins every time.

He's a selfish bastard, using people's feelings and trust against them for his own personal revenge.

I hate how he tries to solve his hatred sith violence when the world's full of peace.  
I hate that he makes my blood boil with anger and my face blush of frustration.  
I hate how I can't help but to stare at his thing figure, leaning against the wall covered in sweat and panting heavily after gym class.  
I hate he smiles at me as if I don't know what he's done. As if I'm stupid.  
I hate how everyone loves him andI hate how he doesn't refuse them as they kiss him with tears falling.  
I hate how he kisses them back.  
I hate his weaknesses and I hate his strengths.  
I hate how his very existance affects me so much when all I want to do is have him killed.  
I hate that I'm not sure if I'd still be me if he actually died.

I hate him so much that I love him.

I love him so much that I love all those things I hate, considering them as lovely traits or just beautiful parts of his personality.  
I love how he can't run straight for more then ten meters without having to stop and breath for a while.  
I love how he's so weak and pathetic.  
I love how he's not perfect.

The expression he makes from time to time makes me want to do things I've never thought about doing to someone before.

I want to protect him. I want to kiss him. I to caress his entire body as he moans my name in his deep voice.

I love how he blushes and tries to laugh it of as a joke when I try to imply my feelings.

I hate that he makes me say it outloud, looking into his dark eyes.

I love how he replies, laughing and saying that he knew it all along.

I hate how he's so goddamned smart but still doesn't realise anything of these things.

I love that he loves me back.


	3. Curbside confessions

Damn, I'm updating these fast. Probably 'cause they're really really short. This one didn't make it over 500 either. Edited by sauce-sama so you'll be spared from miss-spellings. Based on the song Streetlights by Ludo.

Reviews are like cookies. Awesome and everyone loves them.

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We always met after dark, under the streetlights at a parking lot next to the park where we met. As I walk there, I usually look at the sunset, showered in the twilight sun rays.

The park always reminds me of when we first met; it was a mere coincidence, since my dog Lancelot tried to take a piss on him as he lay passed out in some bushes. He was a homeless runaway who hadn't eaten for days, since his spoiled little ass didn't have the knowledge to find food in the middle of the city without money.

So he kind of passed out from hunger while picking berries. It was for the best anyway, those berries were probably not edible, Lancelot wouldn't touch them and he eats everything.

As the kind soul I am, I brought him home with me and fed him. He ended up staying until he found work and his own apartment, but as he left it felt kind of lonely at home, so we ended up meeting like this, almost every night after work. It just didn't feel the same without that little nerd, sitting in the living room reading brick thick books.

_I never saw the charm in reading books that thick. Or books at all._

I always try to be on time, but every time he's standing there leaning against the streetlight when I arrive. The yellow light contrast against his purple eyes, making them glow more than normally and I can swear his eyelashes are so long that they should leave shadows on his cheeks.

He doesn't notice me until I'm only a few meters away, and then he looks up at me with a gentle smile that could just make me melt. I'm always dumb-struck by his beauty.

We never do anything special. We just walk along the streets, talking for I don't know how long. There's something special about being out in the middle of the night, just walking and watching the shadows spread and parade. My blood's hot and boiling as I take his hand, feeling more alive than ever.

I think I've always loved him, ever since he first stayed at my place and we got to know each other. It didn't take long to realize it either, but I just haven't been able to tell him. If I'm going to guess, he isn't too straight, but up until I met him I sure thought I was. Being gay never occurred to me, but when I finally came to terms with it, it didn't help me one bit.

I've been too afraid until now. Afraid of what he might say or do, afraid of losing him. But I'm not anymore.

The streetlights flicker and everything turns black for a few seconds, revealing all the stars in the sky and I just can't help myself. I lean in and peck him on the edge of his mouth.

_" I love you, Lelouch. "_


	4. Drunken requiem

A/N: Drunken Requiem, while listning to Drunken Lament and Mutiny below. I'm not really that good with angst.

SELF EDITED, so please correct me.

* * *

The smell of the alcohol, the trails of a drunk was everywhere as soon as you entered the house. Kururugi Suzaku, Knight of Zero sat in a corner, drinking and mourning.

The knight of Lelouch.

Lelouch was dead, buried and gone, out of this world. Probably in heaven but hopefully in hell.

In hell they could meet again.

It was all his fault. He should've refused, he should've forced Lelouch to change his mind, but he couldn't.

Not when Lelouch smiled at him like that, so gentle like he'd break from the slightest breeze. Not when Lelouch wanted to save the world and looked like everything relied on it. On his death.

Kururugi Suzaku was no longer Knight of Zero, he was a miserable man hiding behind the mask of Zero.

He couldn't stand it, the memories he had, the feelings he felt and the guilt from everything.

So he drank, to forget it even thought he knew the alcohol wouldn't help. He became emotional, he cried and he drank some more.

They had tried to comfort him, but not knowing his identity or who he was, they couldn't. C.C had known, but C.C was long gone. She'd disappeared just like that, leaving no trace and no farwell.

The image of Lelouch last smile as he drove the sword through his frail body, an emperor killed by his own knight on his own order.

The white of his clothes turned blood red.

The slaves of his geass turned free.

Lelouch's body turned cold dead.

But did any of that matter? Freedom, colors, life or death. He would've faced them all with Lelouch on his side. He looked at the room infront of him, the only thing left to keep him company was a couple of Jack Daniels and the helmet of Zero.

Lelouch's body, he'd taken it with him to bury him where no one ever would find him. He visited every night, the days were spent either drinking or fufilling the duty of Zero.

In the beginning he'd engulfed himself in the work as Zero, but as time went along the world started to take care of itself, not needing his help. He became worthless, a forgotten hero, a symbol used in commercials.

He might aswell be dead, united with his friend and his one and only emperor. He was certain Lelouch was somehow waiting for him to die, waiting for him to join him in the eternal flames.

He'd gladly burn for Lelouch if not for the promise to live on as Zero. To live on without him.

So he lived, he drank and he cried.


End file.
